Wasted time

I hate college work. It’s like adult homework, the thought makes me feel sick. I chose this cover picture because the moment I saw it I thought, ah yes that’s my head. That’s my responsibilities nuking my whole life. 

I feel so guilty and dirty if I do something that isn’t college work. I went to see Pete Doherty and the whole time I was just thinking, I could be doing college work right now. I wish you could be refunded for wasted hours. I wish the days had more hours.

I always see that thing about Beyonce having the same amount of hours in a day as everybody else and it terrified me for about two years. I’ve let go of it now because I will never be Beyonce, and I’ll bet Beyonce couldn’t have done my graded unit anyway.

She probably could have. Whatever. I’m not even a big Beyonce fan but I was crying by song three of her Homecoming documentary and had to turn it off before I lost more time. I want to delete Facebook but I’d miss the dog videos. Please send me dog videos, any time, night or day, I want them.

I find it hard to concentrate on something without another thing going on too, like a podcast or TV show. I need an influx of something positive to keep my brain from dying. I’ve watched Friends through and started again as a soothing backing track to my misery.

I’m still on sabbatical from evil, like Sword and Scale. I have 11 new episodes that I just haven’t been able to face. My boyfriend bought me one of those guilty pleasure magazines with the crazy headlines like ‘My head fell off when I was sitting down‘ or something, and the cover was frightening. It was really nightmare inducing. I wondered wtf was going on in my head that I used to read those things. No more bitch, no more. 

Amy Poehler is right, you feel better when you cut misery porn out of your life. If I put a lot of helpless and/or scary stories into my head it seems logical that I’m gonna feel helpless and/or scared. Why has that taken me 24 years to realise?

Dax Shepard’s podcast’s have taken over and I’m listening to the Justin Long one rn. I have mixed feelings towards Justin Long.

I first seen him in Britney Spear’s Crossroads movie when I was eight which was obviously amazing. And then I saw Jeepers Creepers and he ruined my life. I’ve tried watching that movie as a grown up to try and get over it but I’ll never get those years of my life back. Fuck you Justin Long. You didn’t have to go down that tunnel. Fuck you.

Anyway here is a quick summary on my thoughts about the other TV shows which are supposed to be keeping me sane atm before I delve back under the surface of academic stress (spoilers for GOT and RPDR) –

Game of Thrones – Wack. Brienne of Tarth crying because Jamie is going to go to his sister again? Bye. Ur dead to me. Clegane – Bye. Bald guy who’s name I can never remember, V something – bye. A lot of bye’s, none of them good.

Arya must be pregnant, there must be some prevailing reason she slept with ChrisfromSkins. It was too random, and I nearly choked when he said he loved her. Is this a Taylor Swift song? Why is everybody in love? It’s the fuckin’ middle ages, nobody has TIME.

Daenerys… Let’s not even dignify that with a response. They’ve made it so awful, I can only assume they’ve done it on purpose to make everybody hate the way it’s going so they can be like ‘And then Bran woke up and it was all a dream lmao‘.  

Drag Race – Honestly wtf. I don’t even like Nina West’s drag that much but I don’t think she should have went home. I really thought Ru was gonna send them both home. When it came to this week and Brooke Lynne didn’t even do that bad, it was sooooo obvious they were just gunning to get Vanjie and Brooke Lynne to lipsync against one another because they are in lurve etc.

At times Drag Race feels like American Idol or something with the way it spoon feeds you the intended emotional response. Sad music will play before someone even opens their mouth, like the producers are saying shhhhh something meaningful is coming up.

It’s like when someone says they aren’t spoiling a TV show for you with the disclaimer ‘I’m not gonna spoil it but I was surprised/disappointed/there’s one bit in it I think you’ll love/hate/I want to talk to you about after‘.

I hate that. I don’t want the episode outlined with any notes, no matter how vague or well intended. I’m imaginative and perceptive enough for I’m not gonna spoil it but ____ to send me spiralling into a hundred hypotheses, which the episode now must either live up to or fail. Gee thanks!!!

Likewise when I hear emotive music before something has even went down, it’s easy to guess x + y = z. I notice it most in the library challenge or the what-would-you-say-to-your-younger-self-stage-moment. Sometimes a contestant will say something undeniably funny or moving but the music doesn’t match up and it’s clear the moment has been manipulated to look awkward when it was probably really touching in person and it throws me off.

It’s like little auditory hands trying to push the storyline in a different angle, one that doesn’t match the footage. People are being done dirty!!!!

It’s hard not to read this back in the voice of Crazy Craig from Parks and Rec… Can you tell I have issues with control?

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