Moving out

Do you ever feel like you’re on autopilot?

The past couple weeks I’ve been getting mad about nothing or weepy about things that don’t really matter. I feel better now but for a while there I was quite a handful.

Even when I could feel myself being a handful, it felt hard to control myself. Like the real me was down a well somewhere and I couldn’t really care what people were saying to me because I was busy being stuck down a well.

I live with my best friend and he’s had to suffer through some tragedies the past year too. Like when I had a bad injury doing something I had no business doing a couple of weeks before we were supposed to go a road trip around Italy. 

We didn’t have travel insurance because I didn’t think we’d really need to insure the holiday before it had even begun. Which meant we lost a lot of money.

He’s probably cussed me out in secret but he never made me feel like it mattered. From now on I’ll be booking travel insurance the moment I book a holiday. It’ll be the thing my kids tell their friends I have a manic fixation about. 

British Airways were super nice and said we could redeem any flights we wanted equal to £336 when I could fly again.

This was very cute of them but when we picked flights that were only £130 (in anticipation of sinful hidden charges) they wanted to keep the whole £336 PLUS asked us to throw in another £220 tax for fun.

We’re so sorry you broke your back, here’s a £130 flight for £550… Very reasonable. How do you sleep at night BA you sick, twisted monsters?  

Anyway I’ve been down this well, and there are moments where I can feel myself being difficult or becoming inappropriately emotional.

I get a little cartoon in my head of two people and one of them is running back and forth relaying the conversations/arguments happening around me to the other person who’s down the well. The well dwelling idiot will respond like, ‘Oh they said that? Well… Fuck, I don’t know. Umm… Did we already say this? Tell them this again. Good luck.’

Luckily I do live with my best friend and 99.999% of the time it’s the most fun in the world. Every time I come home and see our door and think of him on the other side, cooking dinner and playing with my dog, I think I’m going to explode. 

One of the best things about him is how much fun we can have just sitting in the same room. We could be doing totally different things, barely speaking and I’d still have fun. If you have a friend like that, fall in love with them.

When we argue it ends with belly laughs. Which is what I need above all. I need someone to laugh at me and disable me when I go off.

I need someone who can’t keep a straight face when I’m borderline crying about bread. I am an irrational woman and I’m not ashamed to admit I need outside help to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Or I will spend my days in tears wondering how Elton John is doing without George Michael.

I don’t even know these people.

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