Opposites attract

I have a new idea. I want to get my eyebrows tattoo’d on. I have never wanted this until a few days ago.

That’s something I do quite a lot. Get something in my head and believe I must do it.

Although I like my eyebrows. I’ve been growing these babies since I was 11 and shaved them off on a half dare.

I had already plucked them into the stratosphere and wanted to shave them anyway. I couldn’t for the life of me tell you why. I just wanted to.

People were so judgy about it. Like, let me live. I remember being bombarded with questions about them in class one day and a girl I had no friendship with telling everyone to shut up and that’s what models do to their eyebrows don’tuknow.

This was more than a decade ago but I’ll probably remember it forever because it was really sweet.

Then drawing on your eyebrows became thee thing and the same people who quizzed me on why I would ever want to draw them on, now wanted to know what eyebrow pencil I used. The cookie crumbles.

I wouldn’t say I’m impulsive but I like to make the most of fleeting thoughts. That is being impulsive I guess… Well… Whatever. I often get myself in to trouble when I feed a Gremlin thought that has no business being fed.

Good friends are the ideal antidote to being like that. People who will tell you immediately that you’re going funny, like one of those dogs that sniffs out seizures. We will call my seizure dog friend ‘Helen’ for anonymity.

(Helen is my go-to name because it reminds me of Helen Zass/Drew Barrymore in Charlies Angels, and I would die for her.)

My gal friend Helen is vital because we’re two totally different people and we can be friends without feeling like we’re competing. That’s so important.

I notice that a lot in girl friendships. The classic frenemy. Do boys have frenemies too? Maybe they do, I never hear about it and I’d like to.

A weird undercurrent of rivalry and outward pressure clings to female relationships. Even if you take no part in it and don’t want it, you can still feel it. Especially if you’re similar – which friends often are. Duh.

But with Helen we’re so different we don’t care if anybody compares us because we don’t compare ourselves. If we were emoji’s I would be a coffin and she would be a sparkly flower.

We both have entirely different personalities, styles, interests, TV shows, music etc. but we meet in the middle.

We communicate in a secret language of vague references and punctuate with eyebrow gestures. At least once every time we hang out, we’ll say the same thing at the same time. At times we’ve even shown up somewhere in the same outfit and argued about who has to change.

When our worlds are turned upside down we will facetime whenever, wherever like Shakira. Her face makes me feel better and we don’t feed into one another’s madness. Mainly because mine is totally different from hers.

When I have to verbally explain bizarre or illogical thoughts out loud to someone who I know wont follow me down my rabbit hole, I realise myself how delusional what I’m saying actually is. Vice versa.  

Anyway I have meticulously applied Vaseline to my eyebrows every night before bed for what feels like forty years.

They are fruitful apart from this ONE tiny bit I need to complete the arch. I’m also deathly translucent pale and having darker eyebrows could only benefit me. I think. 

As soon as I had the idea in my head, I was on Instagram swatching away as one does in 2018. I sent my usual ‘I’m going to ____unnecessary thing_____’ text to Helen who shot me down in the way I need to be shot down.

She told me there’s a possibility they could go green. When I Googled this I found out there’s a whole spectrum of colours the tattoo could go. Well, well, well. 

For anyone who has ever dyed their hair black repeatedly over time and noticed the orange-brown way it goes when it’s time to re-dye (I think from the peroxide in the box dye mixing with the already dark hair underneath, correct me if I’m wrong I know nothing) then you will have the same healthy fear of things that will turn your ash tones warm, anywhere on your body. Especially on your face.

I know it’s Christmas Eve but if there’s anyone out there with any understanding or experience in this PLEASE hmu and let me know more.


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