Making changes

Before this post I had a website where I fell in love with local creatives and their work, occasionally posting something I’d written for work, school or freelancing, but nothing too personal and nothing scary. Now I’d like to use it for something different. 

Still nothing too personal and nothing too scary. Just writing daily like a diary. I’m hoping it’ll be therapeutic in a Carrie Bradshaw way.  

I’ve been reading Pamela Des Barres book I’m With the Band and it makes me wish I’d kept some little Rolodex of memories for me to look back at now and laugh. And have the opportunity to feel a bit embarrassed and silly. People are so afraid to say something stupid they don’t say anything at all.

Pamela Des Barres is all kinds of passionate, hopeful and candid talking about her valiant efforts to biblically know every star passing through L.A. It’s fun to live vicariously through someone who can laugh at themselves like that whilst still acknowledging how weighty all those things felt at the time.

I’m a very happy person right now who wants for nothing but reading the words of a teenage girl makes me miss being one and how it felt and at the same time how glad I am not to be one anymore!

Anyway I’ve been reading to try and drag me away from mindlessly watching old Drag Race episodes on a loop, with the occasional sprinkle of Friends to break it up. I was bingeing podcasts at an alarming rate but I found myself seeking things that would interest or shock me enough to keep me from driving off a bridge to escape traffic jams. I’ve never had a great level of patience.

Over time I felt like I would steer towards more and more insane or shocking things and I didn’t want to start going down the route of aliens. I felt reminded of that thing Amy Poehler said in Yes Please –

“Now that I am older life seems full of things to worry about. Sometimes I search for bad news as if reading the details will protect me somehow. I call it tragedy porn… Sometimes, I would use these tragedy porn shows to unlock deep feelings or cut through the numbness. I would read terrible stories to punish myself for my lucky life… Either way, it was all gross and all bad for my health.”

Podcasts like Sword and Scale, Dr. Death, Small Town Dicks etc. need to take a backseat in the soundtrack of my free time. I don’t 100% completely agree with Amy Poehler but I do think maybe sad and helpless vibes will seep into my brain and rot it eventually.

Small Town Dicks is alright because at least it’s Lisa Simpson hosting and I like the police chat and how they refer to bumbling career criminals as ‘frequent flyers’. 

But I need more joy in my long drives/food preparation/showers. So I’m trying to replace the morbidly interesting ones with Anna Faris is Unqualified and other lighthearted things. I’d like to know more shows like hers but there’s just so much out there I don’t know where to start and time is money people.

At this time of year I also feel like it’s my duty to watch Christmas movies but I haven’t made it farther than The Holiday yet. Cameron Diaz blows my mind and I will watch her swap lives and fall in love with Jude Law any day. 

I watch that movie every year. Last year it made me book a one way ticket to Spain for a couple of weeks (for the sweet price of twenty quid !!!!) to have my own swap where your heart gets better and it really did work.

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